[Rally]

[quote author=81alum link=topic=12948.msg131267#msg131267 date=1443388834]
I wholeheartedly agree with Julie's critique of helicopter parenting and the need for young adults to learn to take control of their own success.

But it is almost farcically naive in the stressful, complex world created by elite admissions processes.  The competition to get into schools like Stanford is so high that only students with elaborate support structures have a ghost of a chance.  I would bet that more than 90% of the entering students at elite institutions had parents who did at least one of these things: paid for extra college counseling; paid for SAT training; paid for lessons or memberships in extracurricular activities designed to enhance the application; paid for study abroad opportunities; use personal connections to arrange for summer internships; paid for travel expenses for college visits and interviews.  The numbers of students who could figure out how to do all of this by themselves without parental helicoptering is tiny.  Very few if any of these things would have been done a couple of generations ago when I was an applicant, and so it is the ramped-up competition driven by admissions offices that has helped to create helicopter parents.  Parents become personal-trainers preparing their kids for the brutal world of college admissions--a role that some of them apparently cannot set aside after college begins for their kids.

All these books talking about getting away from intrusive parenting and emphasizing the need for young people to individuate and learn personal responsibility are correct in their goals; I do not think, however, that they truly understand the causes of the cultural shift that has produced this unhealthy environment. 

Now, let's say that Stanford decided to only admit students who have taken a year off after high school for national service of some sort, or to work at a job.  Let's say that it sharply limited the volume of extracurriculars, test scores, AP courses, etc. that can be on an application.  Let's say that it set a standard for admissions--high--but then randomly chose from among all applicants who met the standard.  Let's say that it entered into a consortium with the Ivies and other elites and they all did the same. 

Why then you might find a lot of helicopter crashes.

Agreed.
[/quote]

So, you think the only problem is helicopter parents of children who aspire (or whose parents aspire) to elite universities? 

[Rally]

[quote author=81alum link=topic=12948.msg131267#msg131267 date=1443388834]
I wholeheartedly agree with Julie's critique of helicopter parenting and the need for young adults to learn to take control of their own success.

But it is almost farcically naive in the stressful, complex world created by elite admissions processes.  The competition to get into schools like Stanford is so high that only students with elaborate support structures have a ghost of a chance.  I would bet that more than 90% of the entering students at elite institutions had parents who did at least one of these things: paid for extra college counseling; paid for SAT training; paid for lessons or memberships in extracurricular activities designed to enhance the application; paid for study abroad opportunities; use personal connections to arrange for summer internships; paid for travel expenses for college visits and interviews.  The numbers of students who could figure out how to do all of this by themselves without parental helicoptering is tiny.  Very few if any of these things would have been done a couple of generations ago when I was an applicant, and so it is the ramped-up competition driven by admissions offices that has helped to create helicopter parents.  Parents become personal-trainers preparing their kids for the brutal world of college admissions--a role that some of them apparently cannot set aside after college begins for their kids.

All these books talking about getting away from intrusive parenting and emphasizing the need for young people to individuate and learn personal responsibility are correct in their goals; I do not think, however, that they truly understand the causes of the cultural shift that has produced this unhealthy environment. 

Now, let's say that Stanford decided to only admit students who have taken a year off after high school for national service of some sort, or to work at a job.  Let's say that it sharply limited the volume of extracurriculars, test scores, AP courses, etc. that can be on an application.  Let's say that it set a standard for admissions--high--but then randomly chose from among all applicants who met the standard.  Let's say that it entered into a consortium with the Ivies and other elites and they all did the same. 

Why then you might find a lot of helicopter crashes.

Agreed.
[/quote]

So, you think the only problem is helicopter parents of children who aspire (or whose parents aspire) to elite universities?