A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters

A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Printable Version

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A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Hulk01 - 04-10-2019

The chirping birds on TV? In four days I never heard a tweet.
Listen closely: It’s the continuous loop of an audio tape.

In person, the dazzling azaleas and dogwoods look less spectacular.
To achieve that vivid color, the tv producers tweak the color saturation from the camera feeds.

What is understated on your television, however, is the mountainous terrain.
(TV flattens golf courses.) The tenth hole drops ten stories and before you ascend eight and 18, order oxygen.

While it deserves its reputation for beauty, Augusta features some remarkably forgettable holes.
The second green lacks background, and I’ve walked three through nine twice
and can remember only the gimmicky eighth.
The left hump flanking the green looks like the burial site of a Goodyear Blimp.

It's two golf courses: a merely good front nine and then all heaven breaks out, with 10, 11, 12, and 13.
The amphitheater of the 16th,
the site of Tiger Wood’s unforgettable “Have You Ever?!” chip-in,
suggests a cathedral in the woods.

Sitting outside the clubhouse late in the final round in 2004,
a roar from 16 climbed the hills to us--the farthest-most spot from that spot.
“What happened?” I asked a CEO-type near the tv.
“Harrington aced sixteen.”
Ten minutes later, and even louder roar.
“Now what?”
“Kirk Triplett aced it too!”
Yet 16 is no patsy; Corey Pavin’s hole-in-one there in 1992 was its first Master’s ace since 1968.

Before the final round in 2016, I told my hosts at least two golfers would ace 16 that day.
Shane Lowry, Davis Love, and Louis Oosthuizen made it three.

Amen Corner looks prettier in person and is unmatched for spectating.
From 20 yards behind the 12th tee, you can watch the tee shots and putts on 12,
turn left to see the approach shots and putts on 11,
then turn your glance slightly right and watch the rifle shot drives echoing off the thirteenth tee.

Your shot to the green on the 12 looks like you have to land your shot on a Post It note.
Forget margin for error; there is no apparent margin for success.

Augusta’s turf is beyond imagining.
On my first hike back from Amen Corner and up to the clubhouse,
I glanced over to the tenth green and called ahead to my date,
“You ever seen a green that perfect?”
“Look again,” she said. “That’s the fairway.”
Which it was.

That said, few experts consider Augusta the world’s best golf course.
My son Will’s choice, Royal County Down, won the recent vote of Golf Digest.
Cypress Point (CA) gets more votes.
To many students of course design and architecture,
Augusta looks the Mona Lisa in a sequined red gown and lots of eyeliner.

Magnolia Lane is not very long and the clubhouse is not opulent.
Think a really big and immaculate beach house.
(The first time he saw it, Tiger Woods commented “it’s not as big as it looks on t.v.”).
But it is spotless and looks like it was painted that morning.
At Augusta National, tidiness is next to Godliness.

Speaking of aesthetics: Fortune 500 executives should not wear shorts.
But dozens apparently think it's a fine look,
or simply don't care what others of us think of their fish belly white legs.
(No wonder most people turn off the lights before having sex.)

I didn’t play the 12th, but spent four mornings admiring a version of it.
Right outside our kitchen window, the home’s owners had built a replica of the hole, complete with a pond.

Even though it’s mid April in Augusta, it’s the South—so you can’t escape SEC football.
Our upstairs den was lined with ten framed photos of the various bulldogs who had served as Uga,
the University of Georgia’s official mascot.
Ten.
Of a dog the home owners did not own.
Ten.
(Note: Uga appears in the movie, Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil.)
As some of yiou reading this know, SEC football is a whole ‘nother deal.

Almost forgot: Our next door neighbors that week:
Arnold Palmer and his family.
(P.S. When I picture Arnie drinking, he is not holding an Arnold Palmer.)

Yes, there are golf groupies. (The pros call them the Party Groupies Association.)
Seve Ballesteros, alas, died before he could write the definitive expose on it.
(His caddie kept half a dozen note cards in Seve’s bag, each of which read,
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
On a couple occasions, the Spaniard’s caddie handed out too many and,
outside Seve’s hotel room, major congestion problems soon followed.
John Daly tried to write a similarly salacious report on golf groupies, but his publishers talked him out of it.
P.S. Working the groupies is part of many caddies’ jobs.
P.P.S. There are far more groupies at LPGA events. Coincidentally, this past week’s ANA Inspiration Event for women is widely referred to as Lesbian Spring Break.
P.P.P.S: The mascot for John Daly’s favorite college football team is a pig.

Walk the first three days and by Sunday you are walked-out.
So we hit the souvenir tents, mingled with members over pimento sandwich lunches on the porch,
then walked into a small, second-floor room to watch on TV.
As I neared the set I nodded to a group to my left, four CPAs from Akron, Ohio, I figured.
After I’d watched for couple minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Sorry, sir, “ a white coated waiter whispered. “You cannot sit here.”
“I can’t?”
“Sorry, this the Champions’ Section.”
”What about those accountants?”
“That’s Mike Weir and some friends. The defending champion.”
Mike Weir comes up to my nose.
And looks like an actuary.

Great guys: Curtis Strange, Brandt Snedeker, Nick Faldo, and Adam Scott.
Vijay Singh has a lovely dry wit.
But my votes for the most engaging pro golfers are four women: Beth Daniel, Michelle McGann, Judy Dickinson, and Nancy Lopez.

Oh, yes: Go.
There is no place on earth like it.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Phogge - 04-10-2019

Thanks. Very enjoyable read. Have watched since the B&W days when only four holes were covered. Bobby Jones had a glint in his eye and presence when he appeared in the Butler Cabin. Clifford Roberts and all who have followed were stiff with their provincial attitude. Racist for decades and not a place for women’s golf I watch because of the players and not the club. I hope Harold Varner wins it some day and Cliff Roberts can groan from his grave.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - 82lsju - 04-10-2019

from The Economist

Quote:The once and future king?
Our Masters forecast is lukewarm on Tiger Woods

Modern greats pale in comparison with peak Tiger. So does modern Tiger

https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/04/06/our-masters-forecast-is-lukewarm-on-tiger-woods?fsrc=scn/fb/te/bl/ed/ourmastersforecastislukewarmontigerwoodstheonceandfutureking

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Mick - 04-10-2019

(04-10-2019, 05:36 AM)Hulk01 Wrote: That said, few experts consider Augusta the world’s best golf course.
My son Will’s choice, Royal County Down, won the recent vote of Golf Digest.
Cypress Point (CA) gets more votes.
To many students of course design and architecture,
Augusta looks the Mona Lisa in a sequined red gown and lots of eyeliner.

Alister MacKenzie designed both Augusta National and Cypress Point. Both are amazing courses. MacKenzie designed or co-designed 63 courses. What most people don't know is that Augusta was his last project.

I was fortunate enough to grow up playing at Pasatiempo, a third course Mr. MacKenzie designed. I don't know if it was his favorite, but he lived there. My father lives around the corner from his house, right to the left of the middle of the sixth fairway. MacKenzie designed ten courses in California.

MacKenzie also designed Sharp Park in Pacifica, Claremont in Oakland, Burning Tree in Bethesda and the University of Michigan's course.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alister_MacKenzie#Course_chronology

(04-10-2019, 05:36 AM)Hulk01 Wrote: Almost forgot: Our next door neighbors that week:
Arnold Palmer and his family.
(P.S. When I picture Arnie drinking, he is not holding an Arnold Palmer.)

My brother was a bartender in Portland when he was in law school. Arnold Palmer stops by for a drink one day. I asked Chris if he ordered an 'Arnold Palmer.' Chris said, "No, he had three double scotches, one right after the other."

Go, Arnie!

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - FarmDad.01 - 04-10-2019

Memories of Arnold Palmer are made of this:

http://www.sporttaco.com/rec.sport.golf/My_favorite_Johnny_Carson_moment_its_about_golf_4585.html

I actually shook hands with Mr. Palmer in the 1990s, at his Latrobe course. He was shorter than we think.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - slide - 04-10-2019

nice recap Hulk.

a few comments.

RCG is the best 14 hole golf course I've ever played. it has 4 holes in the back corner -- may be 13 thru 16 that look, play and feel like Paly Muni. not sure what happened there. I love staying at the Slieve Donard next door.

fwiw, front 9 at Augusta plays much tougher to me than the back 9 especially since they've lengthened and tightened 7 and 5. 7 is a tiny green to hit wedge at much less a 7 iron. 4 and 6 are much tougher par 3s than 12 and 16, although much less picturesque. the greens are deceptively severe.

interesting comment on Strange C. a first that I've heard. I've only witnessed/heard the opposite.

since the ice storm a few years back, the canopy at Augusta has really opened up. you can now see Amen Corner from the clubhouse but not 13 tee box that I recall. 13 tee or 5 green are about as far away from the clubhouse as you can get on property.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - winflop - 04-11-2019

(04-10-2019, 07:51 PM)Mick Wrote: Alister MacKenzie designed both Augusta National and Cypress Point. Both are amazing courses. MacKenzie designed or co-designed 63 courses. What most people don't know is that Augusta was his last project.

I was fortunate enough to grow up playing at Pasatiempo, a third course Mr. MacKenzie designed. I don't know if it was his favorite, but he lived there. My father lives around the corner from his house, right to the left of the middle of the sixth fairway. MacKenzie designed ten courses in California.

MacKenzie also designed Sharp Park in Pacifica, Claremont in Oakland, Burning Tree in Bethesda and the University of Michigan's course.

MacKenzie was also a consultant to the designers of Stanford GC. The recent renovations included restoring the look of the bunkers to the classic "MacKenzie style" that you see at Pasatiempo & elsewhere - deep and with very curvy perimeters. One of my favorite new looks is #5. If you stand at the back of the fairway looking up to the green you see three long, well-sculpted bunkers in succession from the fairway up to the green.

Going to the Masters is still on the bucket list. Sadly, while in school I passed up the opportunity to play Cypress because I had a midterm. I have no idea what class it was it or what grade I got, but every time I go to 17 Mile Drive I kick myself for passing that up...sigh

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - CornFed - 04-11-2019

(04-10-2019, 09:21 PM)FarmDad.01 Wrote: Memories of Arnold Palmer are made of this:

http://www.sporttaco.com/rec.sport.golf/My_favorite_Johnny_Carson_moment_its_about_golf_4585.html

I actually shook hands with Mr. Palmer in the 1990s, at his Latrobe course. He was shorter than we think.

The way I heard the linked story was that Carson's quip was, "I'll bet that makes his putter flutter". I never heard that the Palmers sued Carson. I wonder if they won.

Of course, The Meadow Club in Fairfax is also a McKenzie design and is among the most peaceful settings I have ever experienced. There is also Northwood, a 9-hole beauty laid out among the redwoods in Monte Rio, which is a little west of Santa Rosa about halfway to the coast.

WRT Augusta, the area of #11 green, all of #12 and the tee of #13 created a totally open "arena" that was much larger than I had ever imagined from watching on TV. Further, the wind came through from #11 and into the bowl at #12 and exited to #13 (usually). The effect was a giant, swirling wind on #12 which is about 90% the challenge of the hole. It is at least as hard as #6, I think, but I agree overall that the front nine is a bigger challenge to scoring than the back.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - oldalum - 04-11-2019

(04-10-2019, 09:21 PM)FarmDad.01 Wrote: Memories of Arnold Palmer are made of this:
http://www.sporttaco.com/rec.sport.golf/My_favorite_Johnny_Carson_moment_its_about_golf_4585.html

the link contains a link (in the first reply) to a Snopes.com article debunking the story

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - CornFed - 04-11-2019

(04-11-2019, 07:26 AM)oldalum Wrote:
(04-10-2019, 09:21 PM)FarmDad.01 Wrote: Memories of Arnold Palmer are made of this:
http://www.sporttaco.com/rec.sport.golf/My_favorite_Johnny_Carson_moment_its_about_golf_4585.html
the link contains a link (in the first reply) to a Snopes.com article debunking the story

I did not scroll down to catch that. But, you know, who should I believe? Snopes? Or my dear beloved father? Oh well. Part of the reason these tales proliferate sometimes is the fact that they resonate so well with our sense of reality. It is just the kind of riposte for which Johnny was famous.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - qwerty49 - 04-11-2019

(04-11-2019, 08:18 AM)CornFed Wrote:
(04-11-2019, 07:26 AM)oldalum Wrote:
(04-10-2019, 09:21 PM)FarmDad.01 Wrote: Memories of Arnold Palmer are made of this:
http://www.sporttaco.com/rec.sport.golf/My_favorite_Johnny_Carson_moment_its_about_golf_4585.html
the link contains a link (in the first reply) to a Snopes.com article debunking the story

I did not scroll down to catch that. But, you know, who should I believe? Snopes? Or my dear beloved father? Oh well. Part of the reason these tales proliferate sometimes is the fact that they resonate so well with our sense of reality. It is just the kind of riposte for which Johnny was famous.

Funny, I first heard that story w/r/t Jack and Barbara Nicklaus.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - BostonCard - 04-11-2019

(04-11-2019, 08:18 AM)CornFed Wrote: I did not scroll down to catch that. But, you know, who should I believe? Snopes? Or my dear beloved father? Oh well. Part of the reason these tales proliferate sometimes is the fact that they resonate so well with our sense of reality. It is just the kind of riposte for which Johnny was famous.

In the words of Stephen Colbert, it's because the story has truthiness.

BC

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Stymie - 04-13-2019

Good piece Hulk.

I've watched the Masters on TV since the mid-50's, but got a chance to see it up close and personal last year, due to an unsolicited gift from a golf buddy. The gift included two tickets for Thursday as well as tickets for the Wednesday evening banquet for the Golf Writers Association of America (my friend knows me as a modest writer of golf books and magazine articles). I took my Bro as chauffeur for the road trip and paid him in beers and pimento sandwiches. A good time was had by all.

A few observations from the ground:

1. Even the Incredible Hulk01 cannot express the changes in elevation at ANGC, from the first tee all the way though to the last green. It is not a course for old men: for players or "patrons"....
2. The grounds upon which the players play and the patrons pay is a Potempkin village and/or Brigadoon (take your pick). The souvenir tent is as big as a middle-sized Walmart and cash is taken from your wallet faster than on Black Friday. My bro and I spent 5 minutes actually shopping and close to 40 minutes moving through a series of queues . Between us we dropped nearly 10 Benjis on gifts to for our wives.
3. In addition to the gifts we bought an obligatory fold-up chair for each of us. Great buy. Without them we would probably have never seen actual golfers on real golf holes hitting golf shots.
4. The pimento sandwiches are highly over-rated but thankfully cheap.
5. The lavatories are massive and managed by recently retired Sergeant Majors from nearby Fort Gordon. The average time allowed for doing one's "business" was about a minute. The women's facility is as large as the men's, and thus beloved by the "patronesses."
6. The very few opportunities of watching a real player playing a real golf shop is best achieved by getting into a queue for one of the bleacher seats and then wait for patrons who want a pimento sandwich and/or the opportunity to empty their bladders.
7. Sometimes you just get lucky. My bro and I did so in a mundane choice to cross from the 13th fairway to the 14th. The traffic police thwarted us as someone was driving from the 14th. So we stopped and then heard a loud collective moan. It was Sergio hitting the first of his 5th? (6th?) attempts to pitch onto the 13th green and then watched his ball dribble slowly and then more rapidly into what we LSJUers would call a barranca. Cruel but hopefully cathartic, maybe not for Sergio, but surely for the hackers such as we.

Stymie

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Phogge - 04-13-2019

I will take the legend over the reality (thanks John Ford) and hit the couch at 11am tomorrow. I have enough Command Sergeant Majors in my misty history. Plus the hard working cameramen at CBS very rarely made the cut in the press “lottery” on the following Monday.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - oldalum - 04-13-2019

(04-11-2019, 08:18 AM)CornFed Wrote: But, you know, who should I believe? Snopes? Or my dear beloved father?

I don't think the evidence Snopes has gathered is definitive, and without the footage we'll never really know. So you can go on believing. I'm quite sure, however, that the events aren't true for both Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus!

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - M T - 04-13-2019

(04-13-2019, 07:18 AM)Phogge Wrote: I will take the legend over the reality (thanks John Ford) and hit the couch at 11am tomorrow. I have enough Command Sergeant Majors in my misty history. Plus the hard working cameramen at CBS very rarely made the cut in the press “lottery” on the following Monday.

I'm not sure what your 11am referred to, but because of weather concerns, they're teeing off early on Sunday, and simultaneously on front and back nine. I think first groups tee off at 7:30AM Eastern (4:30AM PDT).

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - Phogge - 04-13-2019

According to the published air time it was 11PDT. I have no control over the weather. Yet.

RE: A No B.S., Insider's View of The Masters - FarmDad.01 - 04-13-2019

The published airtime to which you refer is outdated. CBS starts at 6a Pacific.

The lead group (Molinari, Finau, Woods) tees off on #1 around 6:15a Pacific.